Tuesday, April 22, 2008

The 2008 Presidential Candidates as Professional Wrestlers

I'm pretty sure someone else must've done this already. But in light of recent events, I decided to throw my hat into the ring as well, so to speak. So, without further ado, and without any explanation of the choices, I give you the 2008 Presidential Candidates (and other relevant characters) as Professional Wrestlers:

Mike Gravel = George "The Animal" Steele

Joe Biden = "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan

Karl Rove = Bobby "The Brain" Heenan

Fred Thompson = Koko B. Ware

Bill Clinton = Junkyar
d Dog

Rudy Giuliani = Jesse "The Body" Ventura

Bill Richardson = Captain Lou Albano

Dennis Kucinich = "The Genius" Lanny Poffo

Ron Paul = Dusty Rhodes

Mitt Romney = Ted Dibiase

John Edwards = Ric Flair

Mike Huckabee = The Honky Tonk Man

John McCain = Sgt. Slaughter

Hillary Clinton = "Rowdy" Roddy Piper

Barack Obama = Macho Man Randy Savage

Come on Pennsylvania. Enough is enough. Put us out of our misery already and pin someone!


Reed said...

Brief explanations of the rationale for the non-obvious ones (yes, that means the rest are obvious!):

Biden=Duggan: We got a lot of bluster from both men, though Duggan was always more of a fan favorite. Actually, I kind of hate this one.

Thompson=Ware: Both are from Tennessee, and much like Koko's Frankie, it always seemed that Thompson had his bird (wife) on his arm to "pretty" him up.

B.Clinton=JYD: Unpredictable, angry, and often returned to his leash.

Rudy=Ventura: Clowny in the same kind of way, and neither is afraid of flamboyant fanshion statements.

Richardson=Cap'n Lou: They do kind of look alike. And both always seemed to get along with everyone (except for James Carville, of course).

Kucinich=Poffo: Both men full of learned rhetoric clearly designed to irritate audiences.

Paul=Rhodes: Both from Texas, and Rhodes always did things his own way, never afraid to buck the system and speak his mind.

Edwards=Flair: Edwards was a hard choice. Maybe that's why he couldn't fare better. But I like this comparison. Both are widely respected, but you just never meet that many Ric Flair die-hards (well, except maybe for poodleface). Plus, they both have that feathery coif.

McCain=Slaughter: Military background, and cranky demeanor. Plus, they're both way old (I nearly picked Lou Thesz).

H.Clinton=Piper: A crafty fighter who never necessarily won that many matches once he hit the big time, Piper was always the best rabble-rouser in the business. Never afraid to fight dirty and always willing to put on a show. Besides, he has come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass and he's all out of bubble gum, which might as well be plank #1 in Clinton's platform.

Obama=Savage: Both among the best at working the crowd. They have an air of arrogance that somehow comes across as endearing. Neither would be pegged as world-beaters on first glance, but both managed to endure and come out on top (yes, I realize I'm making an assumption here, but it's a painfully obvious one to those with rudimentary math skills).

Anonymous said...

It's frightening how much Hillary and Rowdy actually look alike...

Reed said...

You mean Rowdy Rodham Clinton?