Been a while since we've done one of these, but since there's an election around the corner, let's reminisce a bit about, well, other problems we used to have...
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Indecision 2000 - Undecided | ||||
| ||||
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Long Island Wants to Secede | ||||
| ||||
The Kaelin is bestowed upon the individual who, having no discernible talent or ability, accomplishing nothing to society’s benefit, and lacking any connection to any true art form or even remotely positive endeavor has been nonetheless repeatedly shoved down our ever-loving throats. We didn’t ask for these people. They have been forced upon us. And no matter who we are, we have been unable to avoid their media blitzing.I cannot think of anything that better embodies those ideals than the vice presidential candidacy of Sarah Louise Palin.
Do I believe that Sarah Palin is truly worthless, along the lines of a Paris Hilton or Ashley Simpson? I don't know. She can apparently play the flute. Let's be honest - of course she is! Holed up in my Buenos Aires hotel, my only method for watching the Republican convention this year was on Fox News. After her "speech", an oratory which consisted entirely of reading invective and untruths written by other people, the right-wing cheerleaders eagerly declared, "A star is born." I realized it was Fox, but was still appalled by the fact that they found this person to be remotely presidential (or even vice-presidential). What followed was a media assault reminiscent of, well, the last eight years or so. Every day, someone new came around to defend her as "tough" or "a pit bull." Armed with ludicrous claims like "nobody knows more about special needs children than she does" and "her state is the closest to Russia, therefore she has a lot of experience with foreign policy," we were continually bombarded with the postulated image of a "hockey mom" who could soon run the entire country.
This is a controversial choice to be sure. Normally, we have to endure birdbrained fools discussing their meaningless existence with Conan O'Brien and Harry Smith. Instead, we had agents of worthlessness discussing someone else's imbecilic existence for her. This is equally bad. Meanwhile, this hootenanny of a human being went around the country raising the collective level of hatred and animosity. Somehow she largely got away with it, believing even at the end that if she could have just been let off the leash a bit more, the Republicans would carry the day.
I leave you with the below salient commentary. This video that will surely make no sense in a few years, but for now, it does a fair job summing up the ridiculousness that was Sarah Palin, VP Candidate. NOTE - definitely not safe for work, or late at night with the lights off. This little lady may haunt your dreams.Today marks the 200th anniversary of the birth of Abraham Lincoln, a man I once dubbed "the most badass of American presidents." I stand by that proclamation. To mark this historic date, we bring you two creepy youtube videos.
Creepy Video #1 - a computer-generated voice reads the Gettysburg Address as a portrait of Lincoln mouths the words:
Creepy Video #2 - The Whitest Kids You Know reenact Lincoln's fateful night at the Ford Theater:
In this week's Five For Tuesday, we present five songs inadvertently written with today in mind, the last day in which George W. Bush can willfully harm America or the rest of the world. His damage will last decades, but today, let's just be glad that sonovabitch is gone. If these songs come across as angry, well, that should be pretty self-explanatory, right? In sum, screw that prick.
Honorable mentions:
Go Away - Living Colour
Radio - Alkaline Trio
Ruiner - NIN
Thorn in My Side - Quicksand
Career of Evil - Blue Öyster Cult
5) Super Stupid - Funkadelic
4) Hit the Road, Jack - Ray Charles
3) The End Of Our Road - Gladys Knight & the Pips
2) Glad That It's Over - 12 Rods
1) You Can't Bring Me Down - Suicidal Tendencies
It seems like three or four years ago now, but back in March, we took a look at the presidential primary race through the Dude’s sunglasses, reviewing all the quotes, incidents and worthwhile happenings. A couple months later, we compared the candidates to professional wrestlers. With the election set for Tuesday, we’d be remiss if we didn’t give this another go. And because so many moments have delved into the absurd, the movie that most aptly sums up the general election season is Stanely Kubrick’s Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb. Two warnings: this is kinda long and my photoshopping incompetence persists. Anyway, without further ado, let’s see what happened. On with the quotes!
“Your Commie has no regard for human life, not even of his own. For this reason men, I want to impress upon you the need for extreme watchfulness. The enemy may come individually, or in strength. He may even appear in the form of our own troops. But however we must stop him. We must not allow him to gain entrance to this base. Now, I'm going to give you three simple rules: First, trust no one, whatever his uniform or rank, unless he is known to you personally; Second, anyone or anything that approaches within 200 yards of the perimeter is to be fired upon; Third, if in doubt, shoot first then ask questions later. I would sooner accept a few casualties through accidents rather losing the entire base and its personnel through carelessness. Any variation of these rules must come from me personally. Now, men, in conclusion, I would like to say that, in the two years it has been my privilege to be your commanding officer, I have always expected the best from you, and you have never given me anything less than that. Today, the nation is counting on us. We're not going to let them down. Good luck to you all.” – It didn’t take long once it was clear that Obama was going to sew up the Democratic nomination. The right wing immediately picked up the most extreme of Hillary Clinton’s attacks, trying to paint him as some nefarious outsider. Obama’s a Muslim. Obama’s not a real American. Obama’s a community organizer! And most recently, Obama’s a socialist. It looks like it’s not working out any better for McCain than it did for Hillary.
“I know how it is, baby. Tell you what you do: you just start your countdown, and old Bucky'll be back here before you can say ‘Blast off!’” – When Hillary Clinton began her speech at the Democratic convention, lip readers could easily note Bill’s “I love you, I love you, I love you,” presumably directed in her direction. Was it just for show like Buck Turdgidson’s efforts to placate his secretary? Only Bill knows for certain.
“He said war was too important to be left to the generals. When he said that, 50 years ago, he might have been right. But today, war is too important to be left to politicians. They have neither the time, the training, nor the inclination for strategic thought. I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.” – General Ripper’s ideological, paranoid ramble used to justify the attack that really sets things in motion is oddly comparable to Mitt Romney and Rudy Giulani’s aggressive speeches at the Republican Convention. Romney especially blamed all of society’s ills on Liberals who were hell-bent on the destruction of the United States as we know it. Coming from Rudy, the pro-choice, thrice-married former mayor of New York City, it was especially ironic.
“Well, I've been to one world fair, a picnic, and a rodeo, and that's the stupidest thing I ever heard come over a set of earphones. You sure you got today's codes?” – Trying to steal some of Obama’s thunder from the his big speech at the Denver convention, the following day, John McCain announced his running mate, Governor Sarah Palin. From Republicans not named Bill Kristol, the response was generally, “Wha…?” From Democrats, “You’ve gotta be kidding me. High fives all around!”
“If the pilot's good, see, I mean if he's reeeally sharp, he can barrel that baby in so low... oh you oughta see it sometime. It's a sight. A big plane like a '52... varrrooom! Its jet exhaust... frying chickens in the barnyard!” – Turdgidson’s excitement over the potential bomb run without perspective of where he was or whom he was talking to was matched by die-hard Republicans who immediately fawned over Sarah Palin after her convention speech. As time passed, they either rallied all the more or saw that the emperor had no clothes. Well, ‘cept for those clothes that cost 150 grand…
“I told you never to call me here, don't you know where I am?... Well look, baby, I c-, I can't talk to you now... my president needs me!... Of course Bucky'd rather be there with you!... Of course it isn't only physical!... I deeply respect you as a human being... Some day I'm gonna make you Mrs Buck Turgidson!... Oh, listen uh, you go back to sleep hon, and Bucky'll be back there just as soon as he can... All right... listen, sug, don't forget to say your prayers!” – Turdigson’s attempts to convince his secretary to take it easy and allay her fears are oddly reminiscent of the McCain campaign’s approach to the disgruntled Hillary Clinton supporters. Suddenly Republicans were lauding Hillary as though they’d always been huge supporters, claiming she'd been jobbed out of the nomination and going as far as nominating a woman for Vice President with the main purpose being to pick up female votes.
“Well, boys, I reckon this is it - nuclear combat toe to toe with the Rooskies. Now look, boys, I ain't much of a hand at makin' speeches, but I got a pretty fair idea that something doggone important is goin' on back there. And I got a fair idea the kinda personal emotions that some of you fellas may be thinkin'. Heck, I reckon you wouldn't even be human bein's if you didn't have some pretty strong personal feelin's about nuclear combat. I want you to remember one thing, the folks back home is a-countin' on you and by golly, we ain't about to let 'em down. I tell you something else, if this thing turns out to be half as important as I figure it just might be, I'd say that you're all in line for some important promotions and personal citations when this thing's over with. That goes for ever' last one of you regardless of your race, color or your creed. Now let's get this thing on the hump - we got some flyin' to do.” – In efforts to pump up Sarah Palin’s foreign policy credentials, Cindy McCain went on ABC News and said, “Remember, Alaska’s the closest part of our continent to Russia.” It seemed somewhat ridiculous, but it somehow became a talking point, even coming directly from the Governor’s mouth when she spouted, “As Putin rears his head and comes into the airspace of the United States of America, where do they go? It’s Alaska.” It also led to this wonderful image from “the mind of Sarah Palin”:
“Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed. But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops. Uh, depending on the breaks.” – Trailing by only a bit, the McCain campaign not only decided they were going to start playing hardball, they announced to the press that they would “go nuclear” on Obama and start an all-out attack. Apparently they didn’t learn the lesson of the Democratic primary when Hillary Clinton announced the “kitchen sink” strategy. The negative campaign blitz harmed McCain even more than it did Senator Clinton.
“Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.” – Originally, this quote was assigned to the infighting that was rampant in the Clinton campaign in the second half of the democratic primary, but now we’ve seen even worse incidents coming form the republicans. McCain staffers have referred to Palin as a “diva,” claiming that she has “gone rogue.” Later, staffer Nicole Wallace was thrown under the bus for clothesgate.
“Based on the findings of the report, my conclusion was that this idea was not a practical deterrent for reasons which at this moment must be all too obvious.” – For a reason still unkown, considering the ton of the rest of the campaign, McCain chose not to go after Obama’s pastor, Reverend Jeremiah Wright. Could it be because Sarah Palin has her own preacher problems? Or perhaps they felt it would be harder to play up the Muslim storyline at the same time? Still, for all of Obama’s “questionable relationships,” this one seemed like the most obvious to utilize. The man God-damned America, for Pete’s sake!
“Well, boys, we got three engines out, we got more holes in us than a horse trader's mule, the radio is gone and we're leaking fuel and if we was flying any lower why we'd need sleigh bells on this thing... but we got one little budge on them Rooskies. At this height why they might harpoon us but they dang sure ain't gonna spot us on no radar screen!” – Originally, Peter Sellers was to have four roles in the movie, but couldn’t manage to get the folksy voice down for Major T.J. “King” Kong. Instead, Slim Pickens stepped in and nailed the part. In her vice-presidential debate performance, Palin did her best Pickens impersonation. While some right wingers saw starbursts, most people wondered why she was talking like that.
“You're gonna have to answer to the Coca-Cola company.” – The most absurd comment in the movie, outrage at the destruction of a vending machine’s changebox, goes to the most absurd outrage of the political campaign. When Obama talked about putting lipstick on a pig in reference to McCain’s economic plan, the Republicans stamped their feet and tried to imply that he was talking about Sarah Palin. For the most part, the public didn’t buy it.
“I think you're some kind of deviated prevert. I think General Ripper found out about your preversion, and that you were organizing some kind of mutiny of preverts. Now move!” – Colonel Bat Guano is certain that Ripper and Mandrake are up to some sexy shenanigans, when reality couldn’t be farther from the truth. Well, OK, if Ripper had his way, maybe not, but regardless, the McCain camp tried to claim that Obama wanted to teach small children “comprehensive sexual education,” even though that didn’t meet with reality. It was an overreach that harmed them greatly with voters.
“Stay on the bomb run, boys! I'm gonna get them doors open if it harelips ever'body on Bear Creek!” – The plan to attack Obama as voraciously as possible was put in place immediately, and most wingnuts, particularly the crew at Fox News stayed on script. But at times a few people went too far. Most notably, Liz Trotta who joked that it would be a pretty cool thing if the man was murdered.
“Gee, I wish we had one of them doomsday machines.” – In the primaries, once Obama’s message of “change” caught on, Hillary tried to co-opt it for her campaign. It didn’t work. The McCain group went one step farther rebranding their team as “Change You Can Believe In,” directly lifting the words from Obama’s brand, and showing the same kind of envy for the enemy Turdgidson admits to under his breath.
“Mein Führer! I can walk!” – The biggest “ooops” comment of the movie was easily surpassed by Joe Biden who began (and ended) his own presidential campaign by calling Barack Obama “clean” and “articulate”. Recent blunders also include referencing a restaurant that doesn’t exist, stating that Obama will be tested immediately in office, and talking about President Roosevelt going on Television during the Great Depression.
“Hello?... Uh... Hello D- uh hello Dmitri? Listen uh uh I can't hear too well. Do you suppose you could turn the music down just a little?... Oh-ho, that's much better... yeah... huh... yes...” – The most hilarious and ridiculous phone call of the movie goes to Sarah Palin who earlier this week was pranked by a Montreal radio station. Just listen to it.
“Our source was the New York Times.” – In a portion of her disastrous Katie Couric interview, perhaps for fear of answering “incorrectly,” Sarah Palin couldn’t name a single newspaper she reads.
“Mr. President, it is not only possible, it is essential. That is the whole idea of this machine, you know. Deterrence is the art of producing in the mind of the enemy... the fear to attack. And so, because of the automated and irrevocable decision-making process which rules out human meddling, the Doomsday machine is terrifying and simple to understand... and completely credible and convincing.” – William Ayers, the most oft-uttered talking point from the right wing, didn’t exactly instill the fear in the public that the Republicans had hoped. Perhaps we’ve become inured against such tactics after eight years of Bush/Cheney.
“Ah, oh, no... well, I don't think they wanted me to talk really. I don't think they wanted me to say anything. It was just their way of having a bit of fun, the swines. Strange thing is they make such bloody good cameras.” – John McCain was at his best when telling stories from the past, particularly when discussing his time in a Vietnamese prison camp. In fact, the biggest thing working against him and in favor of Obama in this campaign is that he is a storyteller. McCain loves to talk about things that have occurred already and does so with considerable charm. But at a time when most Americans are wanting to move forward, it doesn’t rally the electorate. And Obama was just better at talking about the future.
“Mandrake, have you ever seen a Commie drink a glass of water?” – An odd question that seems to have no place in the debate, and the fact that it implicitly references how the water gets to us means that we now get to hear from “Joe the Plumber.” “Joe” suddenly became the attention of millions of Americans thanks to McCain dropping his name at the third debate. Of course, Joe was really a Republican and really had little to say when he went on TV. But at least he held a press conference. That’s more than we can say for Mrs. Palin. Just today, "Joe" has declared Barack Obama a traitor. His presence also reminds us of this fifteen year old Onion story.
“General Turgidson! When you instituted the human reliability tests, you assured me there was no possibility of such a thing ever occurring!”
“Well, I, uh, don't think it's quite fair to condemn a whole program because of a single slip-up, sir.” – Quite surprisingly, there have been many Republicans coming out to endorse Obama. None more notable than Chris Buckley, son of William F. Buckley. For the endorsement, Buckley was fired from the National Review, the magazine founded by his father. After towing the party line for so long, jumping ship is the ultimate taboo and a slap in the face of the system that got us to this point in history.
“If you don't put that gun away and stop this stupid nonsense, the court of Inquiry on this'll give you such a pranging, you'll be lucky if you end up wearing the uniform of a bloody toilet attendant.” – After gun-control issues harmed the Democrats in 2000 and 2004, they have largely tried to avoid the issue this year, and have done a decent job of it. But Obama did make a rather large blunder by claiming that some voters choose against their own self-interest because they “cling to guns and religion.” This statement harmed him both in the primaries and in the general election. Without it, his lead would be larger.
“Mr. President, if I may speak freely, the Rooskie talks big, but frankly, we think he's short of know how. I mean, you just can't expect a bunch of ignorant peons to understand a machine like some of our boys. And that's not meant as an insult, Mr. Ambassador, I mean, you take your average Russkie, we all know how much guts he's got. Hell, lookit look at all them them Nazis killed off and they still wouldn't quit.” – The derisive comments in a moment of otherwise civil discourse with the Russian ambassador reflect the same tone and attitude that led McCain to avoid eye contact with Obama in the first debate and call him “that one” in the second.
“Well, he just went a little funny.” – Similar to Ripper’s brain, the economy went a little funny, impacting the election greatly. McCain was in trouble already, but when the stock market crashed, it was something he had as much control over as Dimitri.
“Mr. President, we must not allow a mineshaft gap!” – The panicked reaction of the McCain campaign during the financial collapse led to a “suspension” and threats to postpone the second debate. And it does a fair job summing up their approach the whole thing. Always following Obama’s moves, playing defense the whole time, and generally trying to counter Obama’s moves rather than making their own, the mineshaft gap has been the difference in the election. If the polls are right, we’ll see the election of a new party on Tuesday. It’s obviously incredibly important, but you have to admit that this has been the most fascinating election you can recall. From start to finish, it has been hilarious, outlandish, thought-provoking and above all, passionate on all sides. America’s ready to make amends with itself, regardless of who wins on Tuesday. But you can bet on this, your grandchildren will ask you where you were, what you thought, and how it all went down. See you at the polls!
OK, so I'm moving to Argentina tomorrow. And I'm nowhere near ready. Some of my thoughts on the matter can be found here. That last Lolla review will be up here eventually as well as a few more exciting features (one of them has the initials SS, but that's all I'm sayin' for now). In other words, I'm really freaking busy. So for the moment, you'll just have to enjoy the latest cutting-edge political youtube streaming through the interwebs:
See you in Buenos Aires!
Did you know: Animals can not vote
Today Now!: How To Pretend You Give A Shit About The Election
One could argue that I spent yesterday's post focusing on the loser, not on the winner. At the outset of this 18 month primary process, everyone assumed that Hillary Clinton would end up as the nominee. She led by wide margins in every poll, had the most money and the best name recognition since, well, OK, since 2000. But Obama and his team ran a brilliant campaign and somehow persevered over the presumptive winner. The skinny African-American kid with the funny name is now the standard-bearer for the Democratic party. And he's probably going to be our next president. It's certainly amazing. Some are calling it the greatest political upset in history.
In honor of Obama's incredible accomplishment, today we present Fighting the Youth's ten favorite movies where the underdog comes out on top (and borrowing the format from Scene Stealers as a respectful homage). NOTE: some spoilers here.
10. The Killing Fields (1984)
First time actor Haing S. Ngor had plenty of personal history to call upon in his depiction of Cambodian War journalist Dith Pran. Left behind by American counterpart Sydney Schanberg, Pran is forced to pretend a lack of education and loyalty to the brutal Khmer Rouge. Through personal deception, luck, and a sympathetic general, Pran makes his escape via a harrowing 40 mile journey. Against all odds, his survival allowed his story to be told to the world.
Dith Pran: The wind whispers of fear and hate. The war has killed love. And those that confess to the Angka are punished, and no one dare ask where they go. Here, only the silent survive.
9. True Romance (1993)
Clarence is a lowly comic book store employee when a sexy blonde named Alabama comes into his life. That she turns out to be a prostitute does nothing to stifle their connection. They marry and Clarence, guided by his internal spiritual adviser, Elvis Presley, confronts her pimp. In the process, he accidentally steals a suitcase full of cocaine. Running from the mafia and later, the feds, Clarence and Alabama head to Los Angeles to sell their windfall as quickly as possible before fleeing the country.
Drexl Spivey: He must have thought it was white boy day. It ain't white boy day, is it?
Marty: No, man. It ain't white boy day.
8. Ratatouille (2007)
A story about a rat that becomes a gourmet chef. Okaaaaay. When we find Remy, he's in the country, living with a huge family of rats, scrounging for food, constantly in fear of people. But Remy is special. He was born with a refined sense of taste and smell. When separated from his family, he ends up in Paris and, guided by his internal spiritual adviser, Gusteau, he quickly finds Gusteau's renowned restaurant. Obsessed with the craft of cooking, he infiltrates and manages to partner together with a bumbling kid named Linguini to not only turn the culinary world on its ear, but save Gusteau's from certain irrelevant mediocrity.
Collette: You waste energy and time! You think cooking is a cute job, eh? Like mommy in the kitchen? Well, mommy never had to face the dinner rush while the orders come flooding in, and every dish is different and not that simple at all, and all different cooking time, but must arrive at the customer's table at exactly the same time. I am chopping! Every second counts and you cannot be mommied!
7. Babe (1995)
OK, I have to be honest here. I haven't seen this movie in forever. But frequent commenter PMaz would've killed me if I didn't include it. Babe is a piglet won by Farmer Hoggett at a fair. Instead of behaving like and befriending the other pigs, he grows attached to the sheepdogs on the farm. Babe soon begins to wrangle sheep along with the dogs. When Babe is entered into sheepherding competitions, people scoff at him and Farmer Hoggett. But in the end, this little piggy went to the winners' circle.
Rex: You and I are descended from the great sheepdogs. We carry the bloodline of the ancient Bahou. We stand for something! And today I watched in shame as all that was betrayed.
Fly: Rex, he's just a little pig.
Rex: All the greater the insult!
6. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy (2001-03)
Not much explanation need here, is there? Frodo Baggins, a halfling from the Shire took on black riders, orcs, goblins, trolls, Uruk Hai, Nazgul, a gigantic spider, and Gollum. Avoiding mortal harm from all of them, he delivered the one ring to the fires of mount doom, thus saving the day and the future of middle earth.
Pippin: Is there any hope, Gandalf, for Frodo and Sam?
Gandalf: There never was much hope. Just a fool's hope.
5. Delicatessen (1991)
In a surreal, post-apocalyptic future where food and work are scarce, Louison, a former clown, is hired on as a maintenance man at an apartment building owned by Clapet, the butcher who runs the shop on the ground floor. Little does the sweet-hearted Louison know that every time a new maintenance man is hired, he ends up as meat sold by the butcher. As a romance with Clapet's daughter blossoms, she looks out for Louison, aiding his survival. A physical confrontation with Clapet is unavoidable. Louison is able to come out on top through a remarkable string of good fortune and perseverance.
Louision: Nobody is entirely evil. It's the circumstances that make them evil, or they don't know they are doing evil.
4. Hoop Dreams (1994)
The best documentary I've ever seen is about two boys, two families, and their pursuit of happiness and prosperity. Sure, it's about basketball, but the underdog theme in this case works on so many levels. Being talented gives both William Gates and Arthur Agee opportunities that most kids in their situations don't have. But they're still climbing uphill. The hope of an NBA career rises above all other dreams, but even attending a better high school and going to college are longshots. The penultimate chapter, an unexpected triumph on the court, is only surpassed by the final resolution - that both boys have made it to college with a chance for a better future.
William Gates: People ask me, will I remember them if I make it. I tell 'em, will you remember me if I don't?
3. 12 Angry Men (1957)
Sidney Lumet's first feature film begins with Henry Fonda in a steamy room with 11 fellow jurors who are determined that the boy on trial is guilty of murder. After stating his case, he is willing to concede his position if, on a revote, nobody joins him. When one juror wants to discuss things further, he begins to persuade the rest of the jury of his reasonable doubts. What seemed like an open-and-shut case will be debated long into the night. Eventually, the last dissenter falls and the verdict is changed: not guilty.
Juror #2: It's hard to put into words. I just think he's guilty. I thought it was obvious from the word, 'Go'. Nobody proved otherwise.
Juror #8: Nobody has to prove otherwise. The burden of proof is on the prosecution. The defendant doesn't even have to open his mouth. That's in the Constitution.
2. The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
You've seen this one, right? You don't need a reminder of how strongly the deck was stacked against Andy Dufresne. Warden Norton ruled his prison with an iron hand, providing little chance for dignity, let alone freedom. When Dufresne had the opportunity to reopen his trial, Norton murdered the problem away. Sentenced to life in Shawshank prison, he scrapes and claws his way out slowly over his 19 years of incarceration. As he escapes, he also dismantles Norton's sinister regime. Such a remarkable tale of hope triumphing over despair, it's no wonder that it is the IMDb's #2 movie of all time.
Andy Dufresne: Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.
(Come on, how fitting is that?)
1. Star Wars (1977)
Of all the underdogs on this list, none had a steeper climb to the mountaintop than Luke Skywalker and the Rebel Alliance. As far as he knew, he was just a kid farming a desert on a crappy planet, and that was all he'd ever be. But fate soon intervened. Outgunned, outmanned, and certainly outfunded, they used the light side of the force, banded together and blew up the death star. And there was much rejoicing.
Luke: Come on. Why don't you take a look around. You know what's about to happen, what they're up against. They could use a good pilot like you, you're turning your back on them.
Han Solo: What good is a reward if you ain't around to use it? Besides, attacking that battle station is not my idea of courage. It's more like, suicide.
Luke: Okay. Take care of yourself Han. I guess that's what you're best at isn't it?
Han Solo: Hey, Luke. May the force be with you.
The party's over for the Clintons. Rumors abound that Hillary is finally throwing in the towel tonight. Time will tell if that actually occurs, but here at Fighting the Youth, we're calling it. In honor of the final defeat, we're throwing some Youtubes Hillary's way...
What Hillary may have been saying lately if she's been truly honest with herself:
Might by Archers of Loaf
What Democrats who are overly nervy about November and think that she's ruining everything have been saying to themselves lately:
Get Out by Faith No More
What those with some compassion left for Hillary, but are ready for her to leave are saying to everyone today:
The End Of Our Road by Gladys Knight & The Pips
What I'm saying:
Bye Bye Baby by OK Go (as interpreted by TLB)
I'm pretty sure someone else must've done this already. But in light of recent events, I decided to throw my hat into the ring as well, so to speak. So, without further ado, and without any explanation of the choices, I give you the 2008 Presidential Candidates (and other relevant characters) as Professional Wrestlers:
Posts
All Comments
