Monday, March 24, 2008

Mort and Stephen Preview April

Today we’re unveiling a new feature here at Fighting the Youth. We’re going to preview the upcoming April movie releases, and we have contributions from varying perspectives.

Mort lives in Brooklyn with his wife, Ethel. He's 86 years old. His grandson, Daniel, has set up his computer with Skype, so barring any technical difficulties, we will be talking with him in real time from Chicago.

Stephen lives in the Ukranian Village neighborhood of Chicago. He’s 26 and works as a barista at a café on Chicago Ave., though he hates being called a barista. He refused to have his photo taken, but here are his glasses.

IMDB Synopsis: An aging football legend and the hot college star he's drafted for his pro team fight for the heart of an intrepid up-and-coming journalist. Oh, it all takes place in 1925.
Click here for trailer
FtY: OK, guys, so you both saw the trailer, what’s your take?

Stephen: I thought we were done with football for the time being. Isn’t it time for people to start having baseball with their Bud Light? Everybody knows that sports is the opiate of the masses. Noam Chomsky said so – or somebody, maybe it was Nietzche-
Mort: Ray Nitschke?? No, not Nitschke. Nitschke played for the Packers, but that was much later – in the 1960s. You probably don’t remember that, Stephen. This… this is about Red Grange, the Galloping Ghost we called him. But he went to Illinois, not Princeton. Nitschke played for Illinois as well, but that’s a story for another time. I saw Grange at the Polo Grounds when I was just ten years old. I was one of the only children in attendance. He had come back from an injury, and was playing mostly defensive back in those days. He didn’t have the same… the same shifty moves that he’d had before the injury. Even so, Grange made a play I will never forget-
FtY: ‘Scuse me, Mort. I’m sorry, can we get back to the film? It stars George Clooney, Renée Zellweger and John Krasinksi. What do you think about that casting?
Stephen: Are we to believe that a person like John Krasinksi actually existed in the 1920s? Furthermore that he can play a professional sport? Even furthermore that he is any good at it? Looks like he’s taking mumbling to heights only previously realized by Corey Haim. And Renée Zellwegger? Please. We’re supposed to believe that George Clooney falls for a woman who looks like she’s sucking on underripe lemons?
Mort: That’s that pretty girl from Show Me the Money! She’s got a lotta sass. I like it!

Stephen: Ugh, that’s another sports movie. That’s the precise moment Cameron Crowe showed he’d clearly lost it. And now we have Renée on our hands all the damn time.
FtY: So yes or no on Leatherheads?

Stephen: Hell no.

Mort: That guy with the big ears looks nothing like Grange. Grange was lean and tough. He was the Ice Man. This guy doesn’t look tough. But I like football, so maybe I’d go. Yeah, sure.

88 Minutes
IMDB Synopsis: A college professor who moonlights as a forensic psychiatrist for the FBI receives a death threat telling him that he has only 88 minutes to live, causing him to scramble to stay alive while he tries to learn his potential assailant's identity.
Click here for trailer
Stephen: Come on, what professor answers the phone in the middle of class? I’ve seen professors actually destroy students’ phones when they don’t shut the ringer off.

Mort: That’s your quibble, Stephen? Maybe I’m getting slow in my old age, but did any of this make any sense? It’s all farkakt. A guy gets convicted without any evidence?

Stephen: A white guy at that.

Mort: And then he’s in prison, and he’s innocent, but he wants to kill the guy who put him there rather than fight for a new trial? And the FBI doesn’t believe him, even though they work with the guy? And it’s all on TV the whole time?
Stephen: Well, MSNBC does seem to like interviewing dudes in orange jumpsuits.

Mort: I don’t think I could see this movie unless I bring along someone who can explain it all to me. I gotta take a pass.

Stephen: I gotta agree with Mort on this one. Looks like a standard Pacino hollerin’ film. Plus, I can’t sit through anything with Leelee Sobieski.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
IMDB Synopsis: Peter jets off to Hawaii for a vacation that is supposed to help him deal with his recent break-up with his TV star girlfriend, Sarah. Little does he know Sarah's traveling to the same resort as her ex ... and she's bringing along her new boyfriend.
Click here for trailer

Mort: I saw a billboard down the street that said that my mom hates Sarah Marshall. My mom’s been dead for twenty-five years. Why would she hate Sarah Marshall? The name’s a bit goy, to be sure, but I’m sure she’s a nice enough girl.
FtY: Mort, I don’t think that was supposed to be your mom. That refers to the fictional main character’s mom.

Mort: Oh, I see... Why should she hate Sarah Marshall? She looked cute to me in that bikini!

Stephen: These Apatow movies are all the same. I already saw 40 Year Old Virgin, how many times can you take my money from me, Judd?

FtY: You don’t think they’ve been consistently funny, though?

Mort: Yeah, you don’t think they’re funny? What’s an Apatow movie, by the way?

Stephen: Pffft. I haven’t seen the rest of ‘em.

FtY: So that’s a thumbs down on Sarah Marshall?

Stephen: Maybe if someone else rented it.

Mort: I hope the shower scenes aren’t limited to the doughy guy, but it looks fun. You know, Ethel and I went to Hawaii once. It was in 1962, and they didn’t have jets to fly so it took sixteen hours-
FtY: Morty, I’m sorry. We’re moving on.

Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay
IMDB Synopsis: Aboard their flight to Amsterdam, Harold and Kumar are caught trying to sneak a bong onboard, the first step in a misadventure that finds them mistaken for terrorists and sent to Guantanamo Bay.
Click here for trailer

FtY: Now, did either of you see the first one?

Stephen: Yeah.

Mort: First one? I don’t know what you’re talking about, and I have no idea what that was I just saw. I’m sorry, Ethel is calling me… What? WHAT? I’m on the computer! Just… Just hold on a minute!
FtY: Mort, do you have to go?


I think we lost Mort, but I don't think he's giving Harold and Kumar an endorsement. OK, Stephen, any thoughts?

Stephen: Thank God Doogie was still available. You think he wasn’t waiting for that call?

FtY: He is on a pretty popular TV show right now.

Stephen: You watch TV? Pffft. Anyway, aside from the cheetah ride, the first one was underrated. This seems like more of the same.

FtY: So you’re going to see this one?

Stephen: Yeah, I’m down… on video.

So there you have it. We'll be back with Morty and Stephen again to preview May where the summer blockbusters will start making their appearance.

1 comment:

PMaz said...

Zellweger pretty? She always looks like she is sucking on a lemon.