A to B Back and Forth Review: Iron Man 2, Part II

Yesterday, Kozy and I started with our analysis of Iron Man 2, posting Part I of our back and forth conversation. So yeah, read that first. Today we conclude with Part II.

ANDREW

OK, so you've given me a lot to chew on here. Let me take things point by point.

I really feel like they didn't give Rourke enough to work with here. Even his weapons are stupid. Why on earth would anyone use whips to fight an opponent who can fire missiles from a distance? And why on earth would Ironman ever let Rourke get close enough to him to cause any damage? Dammit, I'm digressing again into discussions of rationality in an entirely irrational movie. Regarding Rourke, they wasted an opportunity to have an all-time great villain and instead gave us someone who had only a single remotely memorable line: "I want my bird." That's really the only moment you can give The Ram? Weak.

How many of these hoodies you think they went through due to bird-related "accidents"?

Is Paltrow a hottie in this movie? Of course not! Paltrow has never been a hottie in any movie! She's in the long list of actresses that many women believe are beautiful, but no man has ever fantasized about. Others on the list include Linda Evans, Laura Dern, Lili Taylor, Barbara Streisand, and the leader of the gang, Drew Barrymore. She seems like a nice lady, though. But speaking of that irrationality thing (SPOILER ALERT), did you buy the movie-ending kiss? That's the most forced make-out session I've seen since Borat tried to kiss a stranger on the New York City subway. (END OF SPOILER) However, I must agree that Scarlett Johansson certainly impressed - this is perhaps the best she's looked on film. Obviously that's a pretty strong statement.

Not exactly Jessica Alba, is she?

But you didn't see her as big as you expected because these days IMAX theaters are generally not "real" IMAX. That is to say, the company is selling a false product. Check out Roger Ebert's comments on the matter, and you can easily see that you have been ripped off. The theaters from your youth were bigger than the one you just visited. And yes, the volume was simply too much. I'm growing half-deaf in my middle age, and Iron Man 2 and AC/DC didn't do me any favors.

So I must again pull myself out of my cavern of negativity and repeat that Downey is superb in this movie, and that there are enough gags to make it worthwhile. I don't know that I'll have an urge to watch it again. If I do, it will surely be under better volume control.

What you left out of your reply was your synopsis of the black guys. What did you think about the Terrence Howard replacement and what the hell was Samuel Jackson even doing in this picture?

BRAD

Hey Reed,

Your Paltrow analysis is totally spot on. Love the Drew Barrymore and Borat comparisons!

So, you are wondering what I thought of Don Cheadle replacing Terrence Howard, aka the star of the hit swim team movie, "Pride"? According to the IMDb, Howard declined reprising his Rhodey role due to a falling out with Marvel Studios. I interpret "falling out" as a metaphor for, "pay me money!" According to Cheadle, he tried to make the role of Rhodey his own. But that proved too difficult so he “eventually stole as much as possible from Howard's performance in the first film to bring him (i.e. Rhodey) to life." Cheadle had such a hard time creating this one dimensional character that he had to openly steal his performance from Howard? Well, that's not saying much about Cheadle's creative mojo, that's for sure!

Lastly, the IMDb goes on to give us this little nugget - that two actors worked together previously on a film I know you loathed, Crash. I thought they saved this "previously worked together" crap for the annual Oscar’s show? Anyhow. Cheadle? Howard? Really, it didn’t make much of a difference to me. Rhodey doesn't do anything in Iron Man 2, except during the house destroying and closing fight scenes. And in those he is in full body armor. For all I know it was Dave Chappelle in that suit.

And Sam Jackson? Unlike Rhodey, the Nick Fury character Jackson portrays is white, in the comics. In fact, Fury is so white he was previously portrayed by Baywatch babe and German recording sensation David Hasselhoff in the TV flop Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. So Jackson’s casting is solely due to the fact that he is a bad-ass actor. But Nick Fury’s casting? That is the better question? I know neither of us are hardcore comic fans, but I think Fury is a stretch even for casual fans. As best I can tell, Marvel Studios plans on using Jackson as a conduit, linking together their mega-hit films. So as they jettison into murkier territory (i.e. "in production" flicks Captain America, The Avengers) they have a bankable star to insert in coming attraction teasers. After the first Iron Man, Jackson signed a landmark nine picture deal to appear as Nick Fury. So while his appearance in Iron Man 2 made little sense from a plot perspective, it makes oodles of sense from a marketing slant.

Think the Hoff is miffed he was passed over for Jackson?

It has been a week now since I caught Iron Man 2 at the IMAX and I am already having trouble remembering much about it. Clearly we both enjoyed ourselves while watching this flick, which showcases a very funny Downey Jr., but longer-term, this isn’t a movie either of us will be catching again in the theatre.

Until next time.
Cheers, Kozy