Friday, June 6, 2008

Mort and Stephen Preview June

This month's edition of Morty and Stephen comes a bit late. We had trouble tracking Stephen down to meet with us. Apparently he went to Canada to meet with an artist and have him design some new tattoos. He plans to be inked once again in the coming weeks. But also in the coming weeks are the movies of June. In case you missed it, we heard from the pair last month where they ripped What Happens in Vegas a new one. Once again, Mort is 87 and lives in Brooklyn with his wife, Ethel. Stephen is 26 and resides in the Ukrainian Village area of Chicago's west side.

You Don't Mess with the Zohan
IMDB Synopsis: A Mossad agent (Sandler) orchestrates a scenario that will allow him to move to New York City and reinvent himself as a hairstylist.
Release Date: Today!
Click here for trailer

FtY: After seeing the trailer, what do you think?

Stephen: So it's a cross between Borat and Edward Scissorhands? Is that even remotely a good idea?

FtY: to be fair, they had this script nearly finished back in 2000, well before Borat.

Stephen: Yeah, but Borat came out last year, so it's not like it didn't influence this. I mean clearly. Clearly!

Mort: Ethel and I went to Israel. But that was 18 years ago. I don't remember seeing anybody like this. They had army guys all over the place, but they didn't goof around and scream and yell and carry on.

Stephen: Precisely! What's with the accent? I mean, it's terrible. Didn't he practice this before filming? For a guy who's supposed to be Jewish, I am really disappointed by the accuracy.

FtY: You should see him trying to teach it to Baron Davis.

Mort: He's Jewish? Sandler? That doesn't sound Jewish. Maybe his mother was Jewish.

Stephen: Am I the only one worried that the biggest laughs in the theater will come directly from the screen? These Sandler movies always look worse than they are, but this one especially looks really, really terrible.

FtY: So, verdict?

Stephen: Brew N View or not at all.

Mort: I don't think this is my cup of tea.

The Incredible Hulk
IMDb Synopsis: Geneticist Bruce Banner (Norton) takes flight in order to understand -- and hopefully cure -- that the condition that turns him into a monster. Complicating his situation is the military initiative that wants him captured and controlled, as well as the arrival of a more-deadly nemesis: The Abomination.
Release Date: June 13
Click here for trailer

Stephen: Didn't they just make this movie a couple years ago?

FtY: And people complained about the computer animation then, what do you think now?

Stephen: Looks worse, but honestly I don't remember much about it.

Mort: That show was such a big hit. It was on TV, but they just hired a really muscular guy and painted him green. This guy seems a bit unrealistic. Yes, it's a science fiction film, but this is too much.

Stephen: I'm more worried about the plot, actually. I just have a feeling this is going to flop and flop hard. To turn the Hulk in to a mano e mano thing is just a dumb idea. The Hulk doesn't need an equivalent villain to test him - he's already testing himself constantly, and the government is after him. It just seems like a really obvious plot that we've seen a million times before.

Mort: And how come he didn't say "You won't like me when I'm angry?" I love when he says that.

FtY: So are you going to see this one?

Mort: I don't think this is my cup of tea.

Stephen: I'll see what the reviews say, but I doubt they're going to say something good.

The Happening
IMDb Synopsis: A family is on the run after natural disaster threatens the entire planet.
Release Date: June 13
Click here for trailer

Stephen: Shyamalan has so much riding on this, right? It's been a steady decline since The Sixth Sense. So... that makes me more interested in this for some reason.

Mort: Based on the trailer, we don't know what's going on, but it's obviously creepy and scary. I don't usually go for the horror movies, but I can sometimes go with creepy.

Stephen: Yeah, it's the fact that this trailer basically shows us nothing that makes it interesting. "There is something happening." OK, what does that mean? And why am I dumb enough to fall for it? Ever since Unbreakable, we've been on to Night's gimmick - just fool us for an hour and a half and then have some stupid ending that wraps 'er all up.

Mort: I don't think there's any way I'm going to get Ethel to see this one, but maybe can grab a friend or go by myself. I definitely don't want to be by myself in an empty theater, but I still want the matinée.

Fty: So you're both pretty positive on this one?

Stephen: Yeah, I might go see it. But if it's another step down, then I'm done with Shyamalan for good.

Mort: Maybe I'll go.

The Love Guru
IMDb Synopsis: Pitka (Meyers) an American raised outside of his country by gurus, returns to the States in order to break into the self-help business. His first challenge: To settle the romantic troubles and subsequent professional skid of a star hockey player (Malco) whose wife left him for a rival lover (Timberlake) before the NHL Stanley Cup.
Release Date: May 30
Click here for trailer

Mort: Is he winking in every scene in this movie? It sure seems like it.

Stephen: Totally agree. I think they decided to make the most ridiculous Mike Meyers movie they could think of. Not like they made it up as they went along, but as if they never thought any of the ideas were bad. Like whoever answers to Dick Cheney. I can totally see them saying, "Yeah, let's take a hockey player. And we can make him black!"

Mort: Of course, the maple leafs so that they can film in Canada and have it make sense. Why can't they make movies in America anymore?

FtY: Technically Morty, Canada is in North America.

Mort: Oh, you know what I mean!

FtY: Sorry, yeah. Being a dick.

Stephen: It doesn't seem promising that the best parts of this preview are all lesser versions of done-to-death Austin Powers material. But at least Verne Troyer is working.

FtY: So what do you guys think?

Stephen: I think it's going to gross about 12 million dollars. Should've gone straight to video.

Mort: I don't think this is my cup of tea.

So there you have it. Morty and Stephen will be back next month to preview June which will include Hancock and The Dark Knight.

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